Monday, April 29, 2013

Mom's are people too.

When you're little, your world is little. Problems that seem minuscule are huge (I wanted a RED cup!) and real world problems don't exist (If we can't afford it, I'll just get your wallet!). "MOM" isn't a real person to children, she's just a getter of things they can't find, a shoe tier, a high shelf reacher, a snack maker, and of course the maid. She probably says "no" a lot too.

I know my kids can't comprehend that we're on a journey together, stuck in this life together with magical family glue. Sometimes I tell them about what life was like before they were born, and I know they have no freaking clue what I'm talking about. And then I probably yell at them to clean their room or something while I daydream about sleeping in and having more money instead of kids.

Once I was grocery shopping with the boys walking beside me and Amelie in the cart. It's easy to zone out while grocery shopping which is why I like to do it alone. It's basically meditation. Zoned out and shopping, I almost forgot I had kids at all, and when I saw them and my life came back to me I thought "O.M.G. these kids are with me. Who is trusting me with these kids?!?"
But, they don't understand that I'm basically just a child too, figuring this stuff out right along side them. I automatically know how to do everything and they trust me completely. I'm "MOM".

Joe Rogan did a bit about becoming an adult and thinking "If I'm the adult, we're screwed!" Or something like that. That's pretty much how I feel about raising kids. They don't see it though, so we're probably ok. Their teeth are brushed, their clothes match, and the floor is generally clean. I think I'm pulling it off.

I do have dreams and talents that go far beyond reading Dr. Seuss every. freaking. night. It's easy to lose yourself when your children are sucking every last drop of energy and soul you ever had. It's hard to keep your inspiration for life as you change the 3948472920 diaper that day. For now, I will derive my happiness in listening to my five year old read, getting a crayon drawing from my four year old, and finally getting a hug from my one year old. I'll keep sneaking bits of my real self into them, and one of these days, they'll look at me and thing "Oh man, you were cool my whole life and I just didn't realize it! Thanks, mom!". That'll be a good day.